Therapy for Partners of Individuals with Out-of-Control Sexual Behaviors in Texas

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You May Be Experiencing:

Betrayal and broken trust due to lies or secretive behavior.
Emotional distress from discovering the behavior (shock, anger, sadness).
Feelings of rejection or inadequacy (“Am I not enough?”).
Constant fear of relapse or repeated betrayal.
Erosion of self-esteem and self-worth.
Obsessive thoughts about the partner’s behavior (e.g., checking phones or social media).
Sexual frustration or avoidance of intimacy.
Feeling unsafe or emotionally vulnerable in the relationship.

Loneliness and isolation, believing others won’t understand.
Uncertainty about the relationship's future (e.g., “Should I stay or leave?”).
Resentment for being forced into a caregiving role or managing the partner's behavior.
Insecurity and comparison with others (e.g., porn actors or affair partners).
Social embarrassment if others know about the behavior.
Confusion about what is normal or acceptable sexual behavior.
Anger at being manipulated or gaslighted.

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What Is Out of Control Sexual Behavior?

Out of control sexual behaviors are actions related to sexuality that are harmful, compulsive, or inappropriate, and can lead to negative consequences for the individual or others. These behaviors often interfere with a person's daily life, relationships, or overall well-being. Here are some examples:

1. Sexual Addiction/Compulsivity:

An overwhelming urge to engage in sexual activities, often to the point where it disrupts daily functioning.
Preoccupation with sex that leads to neglect of responsibilities or obligations.
Inability to stop or control sexual behavior despite negative consequences.

2. Hypersexuality:

Excessive sexual thoughts, urges, or behaviors that are difficult to control.
Engaging in multiple sexual encounters or relationships simultaneously.
Seeking sexual gratification in risky or inappropriate situations.

3. Pornography Addiction:

Excessive consumption of pornography that interferes with work, relationships, or daily activities.
Escalation in the type or amount of pornography consumed to achieve the same level of satisfaction.
Using pornography to cope with emotions or stress.

4. Paraphilic Disorders:

Engaging in or being preoccupied with atypical sexual interests or behaviors that are considered deviant or harmful, such as:

Voyeurism: Gaining sexual pleasure from watching others without their consent.
Exhibitionism: Exposing oneself to others in inappropriate situations.
Fetishism: Sexual arousal from non-living objects or specific body parts.
Sadism/Masochism: Gaining sexual pleasure from inflicting or receiving pain.

5. Infidelity and Compulsive Cheating:

Repeatedly engaging in extramarital affairs or cheating on partners, often with a lack of remorse.
Compulsive need to seek out new sexual partners, despite being in a committed relationship.

6. Prostitution/Sex Work Involvement:

Regularly engaging in or seeking out sex work, whether as a client or provider, in a way that is harmful to oneself or others.
Using sex work as a primary means of coping with emotional or financial issues.

7. Illegal Sexual Behaviors:

Engaging in sexual activities that are against the law, such as non-consensual acts, child exploitation, or sexual harassment.
Risking legal consequences or harming others due to these actions.

8. Cybersex and Sexting Compulsivity:

Excessive engagement in online sexual activities, including cybersex, sexting, or exchanging explicit images, that disrupts personal or professional life.
Obsessive seeking of sexual gratification through digital means.

9. Compulsive Masturbation:

Frequent masturbation that interferes with daily life, relationships, or sexual satisfaction with a partner.
Using masturbation as a primary means of coping with stress or emotional issues.

10. Risky Sexual Behaviors:

Engaging in unprotected sex, multiple sexual partners, or anonymous encounters that increase the risk of sexually transmitted infections (STIs) or other health issues.
Seeking out dangerous or high-risk situations for sexual gratification.

11. Sexual Coercion or Manipulation:

Using pressure, manipulation, or coercion to obtain sex from others.
Engaging in sexually exploitative behaviors that harm or violate the autonomy of others.

12. Sexual Preoccupation:

Constantly thinking about sex to the point where it disrupts other areas of life, such as work or personal relationships.
Difficulty focusing on non-sexual tasks or interactions due to sexual thoughts.

13. Sexual Fantasies Involving Harm:

Recurrent and intense sexual fantasies or urges involving harming oneself or others.
Acting on these fantasies in ways that are dangerous or non-consensual.

14. Engaging in Unwanted or Non-Consensual Acts:

Pressuring oneself or others into sexual activities that are unwanted or non-consensual.
Experiencing distress or guilt after engaging in such behaviors.

15. Compulsive Use of Sexual Chat Rooms or Forums:

Spending excessive time in online chat rooms or forums that focus on sexual content or interactions.
Neglecting other responsibilities or relationships due to this compulsion.

Out of control sexual behaviors can vary widely in their severity and impact, but they all share the common thread of causing harm or distress to the individual or others involved. Therapy and counseling can be essential for individuals struggling with these behaviors, helping them to develop healthier patterns and address underlying issues.

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Trauma Informed Care (TIC) and Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT) Can Help

Trauma-Informed Care (TIC) is an approach to providing therapy that acknowledges the widespread impact of trauma and prioritizes creating a safe and a supportive environment for clients to address betrayal, trauma and restore a sense of safety. This approach recognizes the prevalence of trauma in the lives of many people and seeks to avoid re-traumatization by understanding and responding to the effects of trauma.

Key Principles of Trauma Informed-Care are:

Safety
Trust
·Support
Collaboration
Empowerment, Voice, Choice
Cultural Appreciation

Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT) Can Help

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is a widely used and effective therapeutic approach for treating trauma. It focuses on helping individuals understand and change the negative thought patterns and behaviors that contribute to the emotional distress associated with their traumatic experience.

1. Managing Emotional Distress

Identifying Negative Thought Patterns: Partners often develop thoughts like, “I’ll never be able to trust again” or “I’m not good enough.” CBT helps them recognize and reframe these thoughts.
Developing Self-Compassion: They learn to replace self-critical thoughts with compassionate ones, reducing shame and guilt.

2. Reducing Anxiety and Obsessive Thoughts

Cognitive Restructuring: Partners can challenge intrusive thoughts about relapse or betrayal (e.g., “He’ll never change”) by looking for evidence and exploring alternative viewpoints.
Mindfulness Practices: CBT teaches mindfulness to help partners stay present and avoid becoming consumed by “what if” scenarios.

3. Setting Healthy Boundaries and Improving Communication

Boundary Setting Skills: CBT helps partners understand their own needs and set clear, healthy boundaries, such as asking for transparency without becoming controlling.
Assertiveness Training: Partners learn how to express their needs and emotions calmly and effectively without resorting to anger or avoidance.

4. Addressing Feelings of Betrayal and Trust Issues

Processing Trauma from Betrayal: CBT provides tools to work through the emotional pain caused by broken trust and helps them regain emotional stability.
Gradual Trust-Building Exercises: Therapists guide partners in practicing small steps toward rebuilding trust, focusing on realistic expectations.

5. Overcoming Insecurity and Low Self-Worth

Identifying Core Beliefs: Partners often internalize beliefs like “I’m not enough” or “I’m unlovable.” CBT helps them uncover these beliefs and develop healthier alternatives.
Self-Esteem Exercises: Partners engage in activities and journaling that promote positive self-identity and self-worth, focusing on strengths and accomplishments.

6. Learning Coping Mechanisms for Triggers

Trigger Identification: Partners explore what situations, thoughts, or emotions trigger distress, such as reminders of the partner’s behavior or feelings of inadequacy.
Developing Healthy Coping Strategies: CBT introduces alternative coping skills, such as relaxation exercises, physical activities, or journaling.

7. Managing Anger and Resentment

Cognitive Reframing: Partners learn to challenge thoughts like “He’s only doing this to hurt me” and replace them with more balanced perspectives.
Anger Management Techniques: CBT provides strategies to manage anger, including relaxation techniques and practicing delayed responses.

8. Navigating Relationship Uncertainty

Clarifying Personal Values: Partners explore what they value in relationships to help them decide whether to stay or leave.
Decision-Making Tools: CBT offers structured approaches (e.g., pros and cons lists) to help partners make informed decisions about the future of the relationship.

9. Addressing Social Isolation and Shame

Cognitive Work on Shame: Partners examine and reframe thoughts like “No one will understand” or “Everyone will judge me,” reducing feelings of shame and isolation.
Encouraging Support-Seeking: Therapists help partners identify and connect with trusted friends, support groups, or professionals.

10. Strengthening Personal Resilience and Growth

Identifying Strengths and Resources: Partners reflect on their inner strengths and external resources that have helped them cope in the past.
Fostering Post-Traumatic Growth: CBT supports partners in finding meaning and growth through the healing process, empowering them to rebuild confidence and well-being.

Through CBT, partners of individuals with out-of-control sexual behaviors can develop emotional resilience, learn effective communication and boundary-setting skills, and regain a sense of control and self-worth. These tools offer empowerment to manage emotional responses, make informed decisions about the relationship, and work toward personal and relational healing.

I Help Clients In:

To rebuild trust and feel secure in the relationship.
Open and honest communication about feelings and behavior.
To feel desired and valued as a partner.
A clear plan for recovery and accountability from their partner.
Emotional support from the partner, friends, or therapists.
Healthy boundaries that are respected without conflict.
Freedom from fear of future betrayal or relapse.
To feel sexually connected with their partner again.
Reassurance of their worth and importance to the relationship.
Understanding the underlying reasons for the behavior.

To heal emotional wounds and rebuild intimacy.
Clarity on whether to stay or leave the relationship.
A commitment to change from the partner.
Consistency in behavior that matches words.
To feel prioritized over sexual behaviors or temptations.
A safe space to express hurt and anger without judgment.
Freedom from comparison to others (e.g., affair partners, porn actors).
Sexual satisfaction without anxiety or fear.
To restore mutual respect and equality in the relationship.
Growth and deeper connection as a couple through recovery.

Online Counseling Throughout All of Texas.

At Solutions Behavior Health Services, Inc. I offer online therapy throughout the state of Texas and particularly in Houston, Austin, Dallas, San Antonio and surrounding areas. Sex Offender Treatment is in person in Houston, Texas.

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Questions before getting started? Get in touch.